i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
