Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
