Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
