I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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