I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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