I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
