I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
