Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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