i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize