the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sobbing to NWA
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.