Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?