I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
