Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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