Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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