i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
