We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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