At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
