peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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