I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
