My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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