Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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