Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
