i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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