i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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