exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
