I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
