My balls are so social today.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
