Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
