drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
