In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
