just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
