Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
