somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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