Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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