This girl is more easily done than said...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
