why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
did i just pee glitter
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
