Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
