He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
