one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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