Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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