Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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