This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
