just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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