When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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