Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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