Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think my fart just growled at me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
