The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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