I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
