I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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