:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
