six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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