I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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