what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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