How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
