There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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