Cold hands, warm shart.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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