Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
