if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
